“Hey, ‘just’ do exactly what I say, and everything will be fine.”
“I don’t know why people don’t ‘just’…..”
“All you have to do is ‘just’…
If you’ve ever been really angry and someone told you, “Just calm down,” you likely understand that it’s not a “just,” because whatever angered you legitimately impacted you—and the moment someone made it sound like it’s a piece of cake to “just” calm down, it likely angered you more because you likely felt like they weren’t listening. Like they weren’t trying to see your perspective and thought you were ridiculous for feeling the way you were. And not only if you were angry, but experiencing any intense feelings.
“Hey, ‘just’ don’t be anxious.”
“Hey, ‘just’ don’t be depressed.”
And if you can understand how invalidating it’s ever been for you to hear these kinds of things when you were in the throes of how you felt, then you are at least intellectually capable of understanding that the same is true when you use “just” on anyone else.
“Hey, ‘just’ believe everything I believe, and then there won’t be any divisiveness.”
—or—
“I’m not divisive in any way, it’s only the other side: If they would ‘just’ believe everything I believe and do everything I say to do, there wouldn’t be any division….”
Uh oh, here come the “Yes, buts….” (and “No, buts,” too).
“Yes, I agree that minimizing what it would take for others to get out of the emotional state they’re in or change their minds completely is foolish, but I’m going to still believe it and say it anyway….”
—or—
“Yes, this makes sense, but the way I use ‘just’ is logical, so I’m going to keep doing it….”
—or—
“Yes, others do that, but they should ‘just’ do what I do, because I never do that….”
—or—
“Yes, I can see how I might have said or thought ‘just’ before, but it’s really uncomfortable for me to think about, and it would take effort on my part to change, so I’m just going to keep doing it….”
Things that you believe “should just” be a simple “just do this” or “just think this” or “just believe this” has a counter that is not so simple. And if you cannot see the counter to what you believe, that is your shortcoming, not others’.
There is an old teaching story about how everyone carries two packs: one in the front, and one in the back. The front pack carries all their good qualities and good deeds, and the backpack carries all their flaws. So people go around pointing out others’ flaws, and completely forget about their own, because they’re not looking at them.
This is a simple story, and it would be great if everyone “just” got it, but the reality is that there are counters and barriers to people hearing it, taking it in, integrating it, buying into it, or even agreeing with it; so it would be presumptuous and arrogant to assume that others “should” get it, “just understand it” or “just” live by it. In the end, the story of the two packs constitutes a perspective. It resonates with me, so I’m sharing it, but I feel no sense of entitlement around it. I do not believe you “should have” already known it or that you “should” like it or agree with it. Think and do what you will with it.
My hope is that these words bring light to you. I hope that you are able to use the words here as a sort of guidepost that can point you in the direction you hope to go. If you want more anger and angst, keep dialing into using “just” and minimizing the challenges and opposition to your perspective. If you want peace, actively seek to see and understand the other side. And if you cannot argue intelligently for the side that differs from your own, that is your shortcoming, not theirs. Understanding doesn’t mean condoning or agreeing, it means genuinely understanding why someone does not agree with the “justs” that you put out in the world.
Sending everyone who sees this, and everyone who doesn’t, much peace.