No relationship is perfect. Everyone’s relationship could get at least a little better. Here are 5 things you can do to improve your relationship right now:
1. Be less attached to what you think. Your ideas are not you; they are simply what you believe to be true in this moment. Anyone with any life experience at all realizes that we are all still learning. Separate yourself from your ideas and you will instantly improve your ability to not take yourself so seriously. Not only will this make you a happier person, but also it will immediately make your partner feel more comfortable to be around you.
2. Become more interesting. Relationships become stale and couples tend to blame each other for that, but guess what? You’re 50% to blame for your stale relationship. Develop your talents. Use your abilities. Read more. Read different subjects (not just the same tired ones that support what you already believe). Learn new facts, share quotes, and if you really want to make your relationship better, find a topic you can learn together with your partner. The more you learn together, the more your bond strengthens.
3. Listen. Seriously listen. Listen to what your partner says. Listen as though it is the first time you are listening to her/him. You know yourself that sometimes you say more with your nonverbal behaviors than you do with your words, so be mindful to observe your partner speak, and notice body language, tone, and the nonverbal nuances that are all a part of what is really being communicated.
4. Show appreciation. It’s not enough to appreciate your partner. Anyone familiar with my work knows I say all the time that, “people see your actions not your intentions,” and this is definitely true when it comes to appreciation. The more gratitude you can show for the little things, the more your partner will be willing to continue doing those things for you. “Thank you” doesn’t take a lot of effort to say, but it goes a long way.
5. Try. Somewhere along the way in a relationship, couples tend to believe it’s okay to stop trying. Whereas being comfortable in a relationship is great, if you really want to have a better relationship, try hard for your partner. Try to take care of yourself. Try to look your best and try your best to have self-control. The more you try (unless it’s an abusive situation*), the better your relationship gets.
Try to be less attached to what you say. Try to become more interesting by learning more, and by using your abilities to develop your gifts and talents. Try to listen to your partner more. Try to show more appreciation. Try every day, because both you and your partner are worth it.
* Many times in abusive relationships, a partner believes that if she or he “just tries harder, things will get better.” The advice in this column does not apply to abusive relationships. No one deserves abuse. If you are in an abusive relationship, reach out for help. The worst thing you can do is stay quiet and not tell someone what you’re going through.